This year’s April Fools’ Day arXiv paper haul was possibly the biggest one I have seen so far (as always, they are marked with a special symbol around April 1st on my daily arXiv picks). Thanks to John Beacom for pointing 2603.29912, which I missed on my first pass.
Predictions of the LSST Solar System (non-)Yield
Joseph Murtagh, Ian Chow
2604.00206 astro-ph
Pegasi Ascendant: Ranking Constellation Genitives on their Aesthetic Merit
Pranav Nagarajan
2604.00144 astro-ph
Your Outie Is a Wonderful Astronomer: Macrodata Refinement of the Astro-ph ArXiv Feed at Phermon Industries
Yuan-Sen Ting
2603.29771 astro-ph
On The Detection of Digiorno-like Objects in the Flavor Zone
Logan A. Pearce, Sue DβOh Nym
2603.28977 astro-ph
New Paradigms in Pasta: Introducing πΆπ΅ ππππππππππππ for Enhanced Inclusivity and Productivity
Julian Falcone, Nabanita Das
2603.28957 astro-ph
What does the Universe sound like?
Francesco Iacovelli
2603.29996 gr-qc
Mexican Burrowing Toads as gravitational wave detectors
Frederic V. Hessman, Christian Jooss
2603.29334 gr-qc
Galactic Constellations in DESI DR1 and the Scales of Cosmological Homogeneity
Claire Lamman
2603.29912 astro-ph
AI Cosplaying as Astrophysicists: A Controlled Synthetic-Agent Study of AI-Assisted Astrophysical Research Workflows
Chun Huang
2603.29039 astro-ph
An innovative alternative to traditional funding streams for extragalactic astronomy
Stephen M. Wilkins, Jack Turner, Connor Sant Fournier, Behnood Bandi, Aswin Vijayan
2603.29340 astro-ph
Declarative bespoke modelling: A new approach
DBM Collaboration: David Komanek, Vaclav PavlΓk, Santiago Jimenez, Rhys Taylor
2603.28847 astro-ph
SchrΓΆdingerβs Seed: Purr-fect Initialization for an Impurr-fect Universe
Mi chen, Renhao Ye
2603.29115 astro-ph
A Lower Bound on the Number of Fundamental Constants
William Luke Matthewson
2603.29300 astro-ph
CROCS Data Release I: Constraints on the Hubble Constant
Luke Weisenbach et al.
2603.29879 astro-ph
First Detection of Exoplanetary Cannabinoids: Evidence for THC and CBD in the Atmosphere of K2-18b
Amie J. Chism et al.
2603.29700 astro-ph
The Universe Favors Primes: A Study in the Primality of Cosmic Structures
Nan Li, Shiyin Shen
2603.29321 astro-ph
Do Papers with Titles Ending in a Question Mark Usually Have the Answer βNoβ?
Daniel Stern, Brian Grefenstette
2603.29936 astro-ph
No hair but plenty of feathers: are birds black holes?
Andrew Laeuger, Taylor Knapp
2603.29064 gr-qc
New Constraints on the M Dwarf Cosmic Shoreline from a Galaxy Far, Far Away
Michael Radica
2603.29743 astro-ph
Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs
Wolf Cukier, Dominic Samra, Vighnesh Nagpal, Diana Powell, Maria Steinrueck, Christopher Wirth
2603.29883 astro-ph
Milky Way evolution on a human timescale
Eugene, Neige
2603.29503 astro-ph
The Hollyfeld Gambit in Astrophysics
Benne Holwerda
2603.29964 astro-ph
StarHash: unique, memorable, and deterministic names for astronomical objects
T. L. Killestein
2603.29584 astro-ph
A Therapy Session with Sgr A*
Mayura Balakrishnan, Robert Frazier, Joseph Michail
2603.29963 astro-ph
Enabling fundamental understanding of Nature with novel binning methods for 2D histograms
Igor Vaiman
2603.30006 astro-ph
Antimatter Propulsion for Interstellar Travel via Positron Production from Potassium-40 Rich Biological Matter
C. Hall, L. N. H. P. Hall
2603.29635 astro-ph
Cow-culation: Reentry Impact Risk to Livestock in the Satellite Megaconstellation Era
Samantha M. Lawler, Michele T. Bannister, Laura E. Revell
2603.29324 astro-ph
Lots of Shade on Satellite Constellations
Michael B. Lund
2603.29212 physics
Where to Search For Life: Evidence from narrative sources with established predictive efficacy
Elizabeth R Stanway
2603.28883 astro-ph
Plan 9: Detecting Atmospheric Deterrence Against Interstellar Monsters
David R. Rice, Michael J. Radke
2603.28895 astro-ph
Sugar Rush: Improving Observing Productivity via Night Dessert
J.J. Charfman Jr, S. Hyman, N.T.S
2603.28915 astro-ph
Mauricio Bustamante 